


the four times zayn admires liam (in thought), and the one time he doesn't

by xxcaribbean



Category: One Direction (Band), Real Person Fiction
Genre: Fluff, M/M, five times fic, thoughts, ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-21
Updated: 2013-06-21
Packaged: 2017-12-15 16:24:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/851588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxcaribbean/pseuds/xxcaribbean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>random drabble of thoughts by zayn and one by liam</p>
            </blockquote>





	the four times zayn admires liam (in thought), and the one time he doesn't

1.) Zayn's never believed in relying on one person too much. His life, more or less, has always surrounded itself by independents who take more than they give. And maybe this is why he curls in on himself in times of need or when something within him becomes too much. It's not that he hasn't found trust before or that he doesn't know love either, but there's never been a connection, no one thing that has plugged into his soul so deeply that makes him question everything he knows.

But that, as he looks back, was because with his body being desolate and empty, it brings a sudden shock to his system when he finally meets someone who calls him out on his bullshit before he even know what he's doing subconsciously.

He comes in the form of a boy named Liam who holds a shine like no other. He enter's Zayn's world so quietly, so suddenly that Zayn feels head over heels too fast. Liam brings forth those answers to late night questions, and he patiently waits for Zayn to become undone after a long day.

With this also comes the wonder if someone like Liam is even human, who isn't selfish and is like a rock. And Zayn wants that with him, surprisingly. Each passing day he realizes the change until Liam is there and solid. He's reliable even when he's not.

x.x.x.x

2.) Liam's the boy with the wide set eyes and golden locks of brown-ish hair who hasn't experienced life as much as someone like Zayn has. And he can't figure out whether that's okay or not.

Zayn's been tested and knows the harsh realities of a human's core, the ones that show their spite when they see themselves as superior. So when Liam feels quite inadequate, expressing his concern, Zayn hushes him quickly and tells him that he wouldn't be Liam if he knew the ugly of the world outside. But that only makes Liam feels worse, Zayn can see, because he can't just wrap Zayn up in his arms and shield him from his woes.

He wonders how that is fair, why people are so cruel and harsh when he's positive and has a life he never thought he'd ever have. But even when his anxieties get the best of him, Zayn reminds himself of the things he does have and lets himself fall back into what he knows. And what he knows best is Liam, when days are rough and the winds are cold.

While Liam may lack the experience and the knowledge of the things that people throw at Zayn when they feel pure hatred for things wrong in their life, he can always count on the other boy to help him through it.

Not fix people's mistakes, but cover them up with gentle lips and words of actual, solid truth.

x.x.x.x

3.) Sometimes all he has to do is listen and Zayn can hear a song that can't be written. It's a sweet little melody that plays the moment Liam walks into the room. It's not anything overbearing, nothing like a movie soundtrack that's meant to startle or create a mood.

But it's a tune that rings true and flows behind Liam wherever he goes. Sometimes it changes on different days and other times it remains the same, but it's a rhythm Zayn's gotten used to, times his steps with it too so that he's always caught up in Liam and his ways. Because there's a part of Zayn that thinks that if he can't keep up with the way Liam flows, he might just lose him for good, and Zayn's not willing to risk that.

Often he wonders if Liam hears the same thing and if he trails behind Zayn just the same, determined to keep in line. But Zayn doesn't think the other male sees it like he does because Liam's his own person and always finds a way to move forward before he's behind, which leaves Zayn following obediently like a shadow on the sidewalk, never quite in the same atmosphere, but always trying his best to get there regardless.

x.x.x.x

4.) Zayn hates to think negatively, but sometimes that worms its way into his heart.

He tries to push it out but sometimes that piece of himself, the part that doubts more than he's willing to admit, gets the better of him, and Zayn is left feeling concerned and desperate to be proven wrong.

Because there's a part in Zayn that thinks Liam doesn't notice the way that Zayn distinguishes him. He sees Liam as more than just Liam, but what if the tables weren't turned? What if he hadn't of been so lucky to land the one person Zayn believes he's not quite sure he could live without.

And it sounds so dramatic and too audacious for Zayn's liking, but he can't help but feel the way his heart speeds up and leaps into his throat when he figures that Liam might've passed him by without a second thought. If his life hadn't of turned out the way that it had, everything could've been different.

So Zayn looks up into the stars at night whenever he can to help ease the sickness that overwhelms him when he thinks of all the parallel words that could've existed had it not been for certain decisions not made on his part. It causes Zayn to stare too hard and watch his every move in case he manages to fuck himself over because he knows how fragile of a human he is, how easily it is for him to make mistakes. And it scares him that one thing could set off another chain reaction of events that might pull him so far from Liam's grasp that he might not ever get the chance to be near him again.

And it's always when he gets to that point that Liam's there with a look that needs no explaining or a touch of calloused fingers that brush down his arm in gentle motions that soothe the burn in his veins. It's what helps him realize that Liam's just in the same boat as he, and Zayn wonders how that could be given that Zayn knows he himself not going anywhere.

He's here; he's the right now, and Liam, he recognizes, does his best to to make known that he feels the same.

x.x.x.x

5.) To Liam, Zayn is a lot of things and when he tries to put that into words, there is nothing in the dictionary that accurately describes him best.

He's a mixture of letters and phrases that don't make sense, a light and a darkness shadowed into one. And while Liam understands that Zayn only sees himself as nothing other than normal, it's far from the reality of truth that Liam knows.

Because while Zayn may be battered and Liam might not understand that part of him, Zayn is warm smiles and a comforting touch. He does more with his eyes and his hands - and most certainly his mouth - than Liam can attest for, but they bring peace whenever he feels like rough waves against the beach.

It's admiration as well as awe, but it's more so the fact of understanding how someone can be formed into who they are, to create an identity so unique. And often times, Liam wonders if Zayn was made the way he was for him. Of course, not to be selfish because Liam doesn't think he's that kind of special, but what if Zayn had been carved from stone and sprinkled over with sand and given a soul so in tune with what Liam knows, by what's right before his eyes?

If so, and even if that was never the case, Liam doesn't take any part of Zayn for granted.


End file.
